21/07/2024

I'm in a relationship with someone these days, and I feel like I'm "playing the role" of the boyfriend? Like it's not completely genuine? I do care about him, I like to help him out, I like to kiss him, to hug him, to sleep with him - but there's something off. I don't feel completely connected to him. I keep hearing about people "ccompleting" each other, I don't think I ever felt that. I keep hearing about people loving the defaults of a partner. Is that a necessary ingredient of romance? I'm also not sure how I feel about monogamy. I just want to test things out, live experiences with different people, especially sexually, I want sex to be something I share, I want to give and have a nice time with many. And I feel a little ashamed about that, I might be lying to him and to myself.

17/07/2024

People who bring their accoustic guitar to parties or when going camping are cool actually. No shame. Play on partner.

17/07/2024

You now, sometimes, weirdly, I feel a little bad about not having a brighter aesthetic on this website and in my life in general, but I feel like my brain has forced itself to like minimal stuff, to cope with the everyday. Is my taste, this affinity for simplicity, a corruption of modern life ? I can't seem to care that much about richness in art anymore? Maybe I should try harder to appreicate more maximalist things. But a part of me tells me that it's too late, that I have seen too much, heard too much, that my brain is fried by screens, social media, corporate minimalism, all the art and content I consume passively, to take the time to deeply appreciate things in detail anymore.

I wish it wasn't so. I think people who like the brightest, poppiest, most colorful things are the least corrupted by the banality of the everyday. Enjoying all the shades, all the shapes, all the sounds, all the details, all the textures, all the things, all the combinations, and the combinations of combinations - sounds like a love of adventure, a curiosity, a lack of fear and a willingness to make the effort to get immersed. Exploring. A whole world of things to experience.That should sound exciting to me, I wish it was, but it just doesn't. It seems overwhelming, exhausting. I just got home from work and I want to lay down, passively listening to that one video essay I've seen 100 times before.

Maybe that's what I'm looking for in this whole web1 revival and NeoCities - the joy of exploring and finding new things.